I woke up this morning to a world on fire. It isn’t funny, there are a lot of people HURTING. Jokes aside, to a lot of people, waking up this morning felt like a sure end to life as they knew it.
As I scrolled through all of the information and conversations, I had a huge huge revelation about something:
I felt at Peace.
This is not who I used to be. 4 years ago, had my choice candidate lost… I would have felt disillusioned, scared, lonely, fearful….I would’ve been planning on what to do in the event that the world collapsed and I would’ve felt trapped by my emotions- because I was a slave to them.
As I read through all of the fear based reactions- I couldn’t help but feel as if I wanted to reach through the screens and hug everyone.
Empathy, compassion, love- all right there- right at the surface. Where was *my* fear?! *my* anger?!
The frist 10 years of my marriage, my husband would frequently say to me, “Jen, you cannot live life with anger as your default emotion”. and that was VERY true…. but how do you release something that has been your identity for 33years? I felt so sure that THAT was just who I was!
well, that was 2 years ago, and that was before I started to heal my heart.
Through a lot of research and a whole lot more trial and error, I developed a daily regimen that kept me from falling into the rabbit hole of anxious cyclical fear and despair. That is what I feel the call to share today- the TOOLS.
NOW- 2 years later, I share a lot of what you will read below with my team. I run a successful business and my team is full of exceptional humans that are continuously expanding and filling the universe with goodness.
I rarely put myself “out there” for the public, but my HEART felt the call. we all need some more t o o l s.
I wasn’t broken “before”.
and neither are you.
I didn’t require fixing.
and neither do you.
I didn’t require years of therapy to ferret out the trauma that had caused me to operate in the place of reaction.
I mean, that is arguable, maybe i still need that-we all do, probably, but i digress.
my point is- what I needed were TOOLS.
I needed t o o l s.
Here in Michigan, especially in the lower income suburbs of Detroit where I was born and raised… we didn’t honor a whole lot of emotional tools. We have a few tools- like grit. strength. brute force.
We have the bootstrap mentality that lifted us out of poverty and put us solidly into middle class and we weren’t going to lose it.
When something went wrong, we were shown that you find out who did it and fix THEM. If they can’t be fixed, you find someone else. or you buck up and fix it yourself, and keep your feelings inside…. because feelings never helped anyone.
My Mother’s famous words to me,
“Calm down and go splash some water on your face, you can cry later”.
Im not mad at that upbringing, Lord knows it saved me plenty of times. I am a self motivated go getter. Graduated nursing school at 21, worked my way into a high stress, fast paced ICU environment within 6 months of graduation. I packed up everything I had and moved cross country to work in a different ICU in California with not a single, solitary friend or acquaintance to greet me when I arrived. I just DID it.
When the children were babies, my husband would comment, “normal humans need sleep, Jen, not everyone can be a machine”. He would say that, because I could run for days on 45 minutes of sleep. My babies were breastfed, cloth diapered, waldorf raised, attached and chemical free. My house was clean and meals were made- my friends called me supermom. I kept a daily blog. and I might have been EXHAUSTED and DEPLETED but you would never know it! I would just splash some water on my face and cry about it after they all went to bed.
I woke up every single day in a complete panic about life.
FOR 10 YEARS.
Would today be the day that my life collapsed? Would today be the day that I fell apart? Failure was not a viable option in my mind- if you fail you die, right? or someone dies and it is your fault, right?
and though that attitude served me in the short term- because it drove me to function in the top 5% of my peers, i believe it was killing me slowly.
So these days, they days I have tools.
Looking back at my “perfect” life doesn’t interest me anymore.
I have hard days, but I can do hard things.
I have scary situations, but with my tools, I can do scary things.
Do you know how much that has revolutionized my home?
How my more balance (still imperfect) emotional state flows outward?
My stability flows outward and heals my children. My children will go forward and heal others. I spread my light and love like a lighthouse for those that suffered like me, and I cannot express enough, my gratitude for having gone through the hell of a seemingly endlessly anxious existence! Because NOW, I know a few ways out. Not one, but a few!
Now I can start to pull people from the water. I can send rescue ships.
I can be the sudden flash of light in the darkness… and so can you. We are one. We are here for each other.
So…. now I want to share my top 5 tools.
New to meditation? For a lovely and simple guide to meditation click here.
Not new- well, what are you waiting for?
Most people say time is a barrier for meditation…. feeling as if you do not have enough time.
Change that. Be aware that your brain is in NEED of stillness.
for an excellent 10minute TEDtalk on this topic- click here.
Meditation, as it exists in my life- goes hand in hand with my spiritual practice.
You can meditate without a spiritual practice, you can have a strong spiritual practice and STILL need to meditate.
I have about 3 days worth of meditation links and books that I have used- contact me using the contact tab for more info!
2. Essential Oils:
here is the thing- I am NOT actually discussing aroma, necessarily, as I discuss the impact essential oils have on our emotional wellbeing. In addition to carrying volatile aromatic compounds that trigger our memories and our emotions- quality & scientifically sourced essential oils* have specific and consistent chemical constituents that chemically help our bodies make better emotions.
I teach classes on the science of our emotions, and it is always interesting to hear people say “well, I have a chemical imbalance” when referring to their moods or emotional state- but when I stand up in front of a group and say, “emotions are chemicals” – the crowd is STUNNED.
There is a HUGE disconnect between what we are being taught about emotions and what modern science has confirmed. I will lay it out as simply as I can without too much scientific lingo…
First, emotions ARE chemicals.
Second, our bodies know how to make whatever emotions we train them to.
Third, neuroplasticity is a real thing- and it is fascinating and life changing.
Lastly, proper nutrition and gut health create an environment that allows our bodies to produce better emotions. Quality matters.
dōTERRA, the company that I work with, has this area locked down- their systems are both effective and affordable. I won’t spend this whole post explaining all the many ways. I have done that in depth in my 60 minute Facebook LIVE video- that you can watch for free on our FB page- click here.
I WILL highlight the one essential oil that I would pick if I had to limit my budget to ONE oil.
It is a powerful oil, and its effects are usually instant. So fast, in fact, sometimes I have to remind myself that this is the very reason that educating about essential oils has become my career. 🙂
They work! Go Figure!
P E A C E
In the book Emotions & Essential Oils, a reference guide, it says that the Reassuring Blend was formulated to assist individuals who lack inner peace, especially when afraid. Without true peace, there is a very human tendency to seek out means to CONTROL. Control their environment or their relationships. (how many of us have control issues?! raising my own hand here).
This gives us a false sense of order and safety.
This blend helps the individual to connect to the true source of peace and to let go of control and excess attachments. Invites us to trust in goodness and grace. No amount of control or effort can fill an empty soul.
Content. Serene. Trusting.
These are the states that Peace helps us build.
m o v e m e n t = f l o w = d a n c e
I am not discussing movement as the standard, it does a body good. We aren’t talking about calorie burning or heart conditioning, although, all that is great too.
I am talking about frequent movement, in the flow of the energy of J O Y.
When was the last time you danced around the house singing your favorite song until you were laughing and out of breath? When was the last time your partner, or your children, had you take their hand and spin them around the room because the magic of the music rose up from your soul?
It is time- the stagnant energy in your body needs to get OUT, because, you attract what you ARE.
4. Gratitude Journaling
Listen, the TEDtalk by Shaun Achor changed me as a human a couple years ago- I rematch it so often that I could probably deliver his speech effortlessly now!
PLEASE watch it here.
and while you are at it- watch all these too
I find that a gorgeous journal and rainbow pens help me journal more consistently… but you know yourself best. I have also heard people say that they have a hard time writing in really pretty journals and have the tendency to wait until they have something “important” to write in them. Truly, gratitude is the most important thing you could ever pour into a journal… so try reframing it if that sounds like you.
5. Turn OFF the noise
ok, and this is where it gets REAL. You want to be alone with your thoughts? turn off the noise!
you won’t crumple into a pile of dead leaves. i promise.
facebook and twitter do something to our brains- and I am a HUGE FAN of both platforms.
I am NOT giving the advice to delete your Facebook page- and I am certainly not condoning those loud and grandiose status updates listing out how evil Facebook is and that you are leaving it behind for good/a month/ a week.
Do not announce it- that feeds the idea that it will be NOTICED.
just go. just log off on friday night and do not log back in again until monday.
be honorable to your intentions. be impeccable to your word when it comes to healing YOUR mind.
let your body and brain feel itself without the worlds opinions. let your brain examine the moment through your eyeballs and not your camera lens.
Pics or it didn’t happen?! nonsense.
Pictures can be one computer crash away from being lost for ever. Photographs are the first to go in a fire.
What you have, what was god given to you the day you were born- was the ability to store an event as a memory. The ability to call upon those memories in hard times requires you to actually be present for the moment.
try it for a day. for two days. quietly
See what it feels like to experience something FANTASTIC- and then to NOT share it.
does it make it feel less fantastic just because there aren’t 124 likes on instagram confirming hat you were great. for that moment.
there is the urge to be out out OUT.
i am asking you to go in in IN.
find your peace. be peace. shine with the very essence of peace.