- Be Vulnerable : Often, in long standing relationships, both parties tend to think the other party “already knows” how they feel. We think we can avoid pain by avoiding conversations that share our true feelings- BUT then we also avoid finding solutions and/or witnessing our partners CARE.
- Embark on a SHARED MISSION Nothing brings 2 people together like struggle and silliness. Learn a new game that neither of you have ever played. Read a new book together. Go to a new restaurant. Volunteer together. Make sure the activity is BRAND NEW to both parties!
- Script Shake: our interactions in close relationships tend to go along in well-worn grooves, called scripts. Most conversations between adults follow the script- so shake it up. Write down your current interests on small pieces of paper and put them in a jar. While cleaning or cooking or doing some other monotonous script worthy activity together- keep pulling paper strips to keep you on NEW subjects.
- Get Curious: ask questions about work, hobbies, new interests. Ask questions about WHAT makes your partner feel loved. In a poll of recent divorcees- sexual intimacy was not the motivating factor for the split- it was the daily lack of interest shown by their partners. Feeling invisible, or that general conversations revolve around the kids, can quickly lead to feelings of insignificance- which kills intimacy.
- Write a letter of GRATITUDE: be generous with the list- alllllll the ways in which you are grateful. We can unintentionally take each other for granted! Over time, the little things our partners do become expected and “background noise”. Pull those things to the surface.
- Role Swap: Choose a day to play each others roles. Intimacy begins in the space of vulnerability- and sometimes we need to walk a mile in the other persons shoes. Ever get sick and be unavailable? Whether at work or home- suddenly everyone gets a clearer idea of exactly what you do. Dont wait for an illness to show up- Flip that script Now! A day spent flipped with a partner can bring so much balance to the force ??
- Send 5 Loving and Complimentary Texts every day even if you ALREADY ATEXT ALL DAY- make it a point to sent FIVE funny, silly, loving texts on top of “stop for milk” or “the cat puked in the kitchen AGAIN” texts. Extra points for saucy content.
- HOLD HANDS AND MAKE EYE CONTACT. Think you have this intimacy think handled? Try this exercise:
Pull up two kitchen chairs, face them towards each other- sit with your partner across from you- knee to knee. Hold hands.
Now stare into each others eyes and talk.
NO looking away!
Say something hard- like,
“I get frustrated when…….”
then say something supportive – like,
“I love it when…..”
When you are the one receiving- the ONLY THING YOU CAN SAY IS-
“I receive that. I hear you”
This blend is a basic, gold standard.
It speaks for itself-
mix it in equal parts in the diffuser
directly on pulse points neat and/or in a rollerball at a 25% dilution.
Quick Tip: Whisper is PREDILUTED, so dab that on the pulse point before passion for a bit of dilution on the fly… if your in a hurry. (precheck you aren’t sensitive before using oils neat).
I actually never use oils neat, if I can help it- and I keep a rollerball full of pure jojoba oil handy to use first, before dabbing the oil on. That way im not out here with 32 rollerballs in my purse.